I am beginning to perceive ever more clearly the radical difference between sexual appetite and desire — sexual or otherwise, at this stage. Naively, the difference is simple: appetite wants to take, and even to consume, whereas desire wants to give, to honour the other, to share our recognition with them, to offer them our praise.
The question of whether this desire seeks something in return for what it gives is a delicate one. It depends on the type of desire, the type of gift. But ultimately, no doubt only God demands nothing in return — I am not saying “a god”; I do mean “God”. This, then, is what must be studied: this is where desire is not pure gift, since it wishes to receive, and perhaps even to take, in return for what it gives. I said “perhaps” because one can imagine that, yes, this desire wishes to receive something in return, but nothing in particular, since it wishes it to come from the other’s being, almost irrespective of what was given to them, given that the other’s being possesses an infinite richness and complexity that can only be honoured by properly receiving whatever they might wish to give us out of desire.
Let me restate this: it is possible that the best human desire there can be, the purest desire, is one that does indeed expect something in return, yet makes no demand as to the nature of that something; it simply awaits another desire directed towards it in return, whatever that desire may be. The only thing that matters is that this something should come as close as possible to pure desire on the part of the other — that is, as close as possible to that which demands nothing, which merely waits (a “feminine” perspective; for a man, this would be his Yin, his anima* — and not what I call his organima, which does not wait), yet waits for nothing in particular either; it simply waits to be the object of desire. The best human desire is one that wishes to be the object of desire (since it cannot expect nothing at all, given that it is not God).
Nevertheless, in the future, we will not be able to avoid studying the relationships between sexual appetite and desire. I am not certain that man can be a being of pure desire, without sexual appetite, for experience shows me that sexual appetite can arise within me; but I am wary of it when it is accompanied by no desire for the woman who awakens that appetite in me.
I need to clarify my lexicon and make it perfectly coherent if I am to make progress on this subject. Pleasure must also be included in the equation. It is clearly more, if not entirely, on the side of consumption (moreover, it is associated with red, but with a consuming red), whereas desire is on the side of production (and is associated with yellow).
From my perspective on the passage from the healthiest possible form of being (joy) to power, through desire and love (although, where love is concerned, this does not depend on us alone), this is a passage from yellow to red. The present text suggests that I should study a partially reverse passage, which alone will grant access to power: moving from pleasure (from consuming red), which is powerless, to desire (yellow), which naturally tends towards power, and then to love (a productive red), circumstances permitting; and it is in this place of love that power will reach its maximum. Any war, if it is not legitimised by the most generalised love possible, is illegitimate. I refer here to Helen Frowe’s work on the ethics of war and peace.
I also refer to a short video by Stiegler — which I would need to find again — in which he says a sentence or two about this question of appetite and consumption versus gift and care, perhaps even about desire.
Pablo Arnault
*Ultimately, a woman can never force a man to have sexual intercourse with her through exclusively physical means of forcing the body into intercourse if that man’s will is opposed to it. The reverse is unfortunately false. It is in the sense of the first sentence that I associate waiting with the feminine perspective. Obviously, if the man, for his part, likewise does not wait for the woman’s consent to the sexual act, it is a crime, and thus the worst follows from it, in every respect, for the woman of course, and also for her children. But from a purely physical, organic point of view, waiting characterises man far less than woman. This is the organic root of Yin and Yang.
PS: As far as pleasure is concerned, it is the final judge of whether what appetite believed to be good or bad was indeed so.